Star Search

Some days I dont feel a day over 29. But then I would have been 17 when I had this star.













She brought tears to my eyes. The 3 girls that got picked were 15 and have done alot of performing. Including Telemiracle. But Frankie was the youngest and totally was in the top five.There were ten girls. She says i am only saying it because she is mine. Untrue,she was wonderful and ya she is mine but that doesnt count.

Doctors,needles and Sphincters oh my....

Exhausted after a day of poking and proding.

Well, sometimes a mom does know a thing or two. I knew Matteo didnt have Asthma. And the specialist confirmed it today!He has a weak Sphincter..

I didnt even know we had one let alone two of these,but we do. One is at the top of the stomach and one at the bottom.His weak one is the top. What does this mean? Well it means we will have to continue worrying everytime he coughs that there will be vomit. The alternative is a life threatening operation. Ummm pretty sure we can live with some puke!And he may grow out of it.

The Doctor did tell me what I had already figured.Many many doctors are taking the easy way out and labeling kids with asthma.

We also went for his first blood tests.That was traumatic for both of us. He kept moving so the had to poke him 3 times and dig around it was terrible.The nurse had to completly cover my 37pound three year old baby with her entire body. As well as me holding down his legs and one hand on his chest.He is a tough little guy.The blood tests are to check his lymphnoids and to try and figure out why a little scratch becomes a staph infection.All in all it was a very informative day.

But he is on the mend and maybe if he rested alittle he would get 100% better.This kid never sits still!

Mama guilt

Well, the sickie bug has hit Matteo. I think I forgot to knock on wood when I said he hadnt been sick in a while. I just dont get it with him. Most kids get sick and within a week they are better. Not him nooo. He gets sicker and sicker and we are close to 2 weeks now. It is times like this when my mommy guilt comes out. I never breastfed him not one time. I had planned to do just alittle and I didnt.{After what I considered a traumatic birth experience}. I did breastfeed Frankie for almost seven months and I feel she is much healthier.

But I still believe in a mothers choice and despise it when other moms are judgemental.It was my choice. I am a large, extremely large breasted woman and unless you are,you cannot possibly understand what it is like to breastfeed. Aside from the fact I couldnt even find a nursing bra in my size. And I am sure online I could have got one.But at the time I didnt have the means for online shopping.

With Frankie I was much smaller but have always been big in that department and I remembered how hard it was. Trying not to suffocate my little baby with a 40 pound weight on her face.

But that all being said,Why now do I feel so guilty. It is something I cannot change. But if I do have one more. If I am so blessed.I think I would try to breastfeed at least for a couple weeks.

We are off to see the doctor tomorrow and to ask for a referral to a peditrician.Get better little boy cause mama is mighty tired.


Daddy cut off his hair. I was so sad it took so long to grow out.But it is already like 2 inches longer.So maybe we will try again.

Even on a sad day...He cracks me up

If I am being honest....

If I am being truly honest, I am not happy with myself. It is something I have to work and I am trying.

If I am being honest, I have put off meeting new people in Saskatchewan.

If I am being honest I despise intimacy with my husband right now.

If I am being honest I avoid mirrors at all costs.

If I am being honest I have been afraid to make friends.



Now today I have decided.I have to respect myself,if I dont how can I expect other people too. I will admitt I am on a life change. In the process I have lost 19 pounds.I have also come to realize if someone doesnt like me because of how I look,then it wasnt worth being their friend anyway.I am not doormat and I am not a victim. And I need to stop acting as such.


My husband and I have set up counselling. We have decided we have something worth saving. We will not just throw away 14 years together and 12 and half years of marriage.

This is me,Brandee. Hello

Happy birthday to my favorite girl

Guess who is twelve today!!!









When we were going through infertility for all of those years people would always say maybe this summer,maybe in September. And just abit before I got pregnant,my mom said the same thing to me. And I told her oh no I think I am a winter breeder. And low and behold my baby that was soon to be concieved was due December 31st. He was late his sister was early. So Matteo was born 6 days before his sisters birthday. That birthday was a hard one for Frankie she was turning nine and people would phone and ask her about her baby brother and forget her birthday. She was so conflicted so happy to have a sibling that she had wanted for years. But after being the only child on both sides there were now 3 new babies. A hard adjustment but she took it all on like a champ.

A few things about Frankie:

She loves her brother(but he absolutely is a pest)
She loves music ( and is very talented)
She loves clothes
She loves brandname clothes
She loves hanging out with her friends
She has a large group of friends who are boys
She dislike alot of veggies ( but we can always find a few basics)
She doesnt really like to wear red ( but she looks really cute in it)
She has a quick temper
She cannot for the life her keep her room clean(worse than any child I have ever known)

last year of preteen and only 364 more days till she is a teenager..... yikes

Guess who's 3!

Matteo turned 3 on January 4th. He is such a big boy. We were going to try to quite the soother habit on the 5th. Well as of January 1st it is a gonner. He has asked for it a couple times but no biggy.





A Matteoism

mama: Matteo you need to have some patience.

Matteo: The patience is in the dishwasher.



My life was missing something and when this little miracle was born all the pieces fit....