Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hard week, but it is shaping up nicely

I have had a hard week. I think it may have been the hardest week of married life but, also groundbreaking.

The other night on the phone with Joe I lost it.To make a long long story short. I finally let my husband have it. Dont get me wrong, he loves me but honestly most of the time does a pretty crappy time of showing it. He is a man's man and I have always known this.But it was breaking me down little by little and I snapped. And after he finished with being angry and alittle nasty. I think it hit him that i was not kidding. {this did not all happen in one night}

I have let him know, that I need some understanding, compassion and decency in my life. And I will not be his or anyone elses punching bag any longer. And after it all I felt physically sick litterly.But also at a kind of peace.

Well, we are going to go to marrige conselling and without joe being forced. This is a major breakthrough for him. Usally tough guy would say it was for sissys.

Tonight was wonderful,we had a really nice conversation on the phone and for the first time in years i didnt feel like I was in "trouble" for something. Dont get we wrong i am not a total pushover, but I put up with alot of negative people in my life. And I find myself giving in alot. Well, not anymore because I owe to my daughter to show her the proper way for a woman to be treated.

Frankie did overhear some cause she was hiding on the stairs, but we had a wonderful talk and for the first time I was asked "are you guys getting a divorce". And it broke my heart. No I dont think we are, but honestly I finaly feel strong enough to say that if I feel that things are returning to old ways. I have enough strengh to ask for one. Which is sad in a way,but good in the way that I am reclaiming myself. Lets pray it never comes to that,because I love my husband. But I have to learn to love myself again.

Ok enough of the deep stuff, Frankie had a "no more miss ..... party". If you remember from a previous post that she had a pretty difficult teacher this year. So she had her 5 best gal pals over for a sleepover. It brings back so many memories. Only back then I didnt have my own digital camera, and half of the film would've been exposed. Girl Power!


Anna-borderline-bonkers-banana :) said...

You are so brave to share your troubles. Thank you for the honesty. I hope that your counselling goes well, the fact that he wants to go too is a huge breakthrough.
It takes a lot of strength to do what you did, I hope the future is bright.
Hang in there my friend.

Kami said...

Good for you for standing up and saying how you feel. It's so important to be strong and not let yourself be pushed around. I pray that you can both work it out together, this is a great step in the right direction. No marriage is perfect and getting outside help is always a good thing.

Good luck!